Just keep reaching... Mark 5:21-43

Today was a ... day.  

It was full of high "ups" and really low "downs."  It was full of prayer... and tears... and laughter... and conversation... and pain... and peace... experience and growth.  

This evening, I focused my study on Mark 5:21-43... It begins with the story of a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years.  As Jesus made his way through the crowd to see a girl who was very ill, this woman squeezed through people to reach Jesus because she had heard about him. She had been ill for 12 years - consulted MANY doctors - paid MANY dollars - and still had not been healed.  She said to herself "if I could just touch the hem of his robe, I will be healed" as she reached for the hem.  Jesus knew, as soon as she had touched his garment that healing had gone out of Him and he asked "who touched my robe?". 

Picture this... Jesus is walking through a CROWD and stops to ask "who touched me?".  His disciples must've been thinking "are you serious?"... you're surrounded by people and you want to know who touched your robe? 

As Jesus continued to look around, the healed woman, realizing what had just happened in her body because of His power, fell at his feet and told him what happened.  Jesus' response was so merciful... He simply told her that she was healed, not by the power within him, but by the faith that she had in Him.  

She reached... and reached... and reached... until she could brush her fingers against the mere hem of Jesus' robe.  

In times of need, when I pray to God, I always picture myself reaching up to hold God's hand, as if I were a child reaching for the hand of a parent prior to crossing a busy road.  I may spend days, weeks, months, or even years seeking help from those here on earth, but my help comes when I reach for God.  So in light of the occurrences of the last week and especially today, I am reminded to just keep reaching.  Yesterday, God said "I am with you."  Today, His message for me is to remind me to reach for Him.  

Lord, thank you for the gentle reminders... and the not so gentle reminders that you give me to encourage me to seek you in all situations.  Help me reach, Lord, beyond myself... beyond those around me... beyond this world... Help me reach for your hand - even if I can only reach the hem of your garment, I know it will be enough.

Peace give I to you; not as the world gives, give I to you... Peace give I to you.

Until tomorrow,

~Sara

"I AM who I am." Exodus 3:1-15

Who am I that you would send ME, Lord?  I am a sinner... I am no better than any of them... I am hated... I am judged... I am too fat... I am too skinny... I am too short... I am too tall... I am not faithful enough... I have doubts... I slip and fall... I am weak... I am bold... I am misunderstood... 

You name it, Moses thought it.  Don't we all?  This Exodus reading tells the infamous story of Moses and the Burning Bush.... an experience that told Moses that he's either 
A.) going crazy or 
B.) God's really busy.  

Either way, these are extraordinary circumstances!  This passage really spoke to me today because over the course of the last couple of years, I have asked God the same question... "Who am I that you would send ME, Lord?"  Over and over... situation after situation... circumstance after circumstance... conversation after conversation... opportunity after opportunity... obstacle after obstacle... and day after day... Why would you choose ME?  Of all the dedicated, faithful, more appropriately placed, equipped people in all the world, why ME?  

God's answer?  "I will be with you."  

Let that sink in for a second... God says - every single day - "I. Will. Be. WITH. You." - and He wants us to say "Ok, Lord... I surrender."  He prepares our path... and not only does He go before us, HE WALKS WITH US!  How blessed are we that we, God's chosen people, get to walk hand-in-hand with our maker - for as long as we are willing to hold His hand.

I trust you, Lord.  I trust that you've gone before me... that you are WITH me... and that you will continue your work after I'm gone.  Help me, O Lord, to remember to hold on and embrace your hand rather than pulling my own hand away and shoving it deep into my safe, warm, private pockets.

Until tomorrow... Peace, my friends... God is calling you.
~Sara

A picture far more beautiful...

I didn't blog yesterday.... and I am disappointed... but that doesn't mean I didn't spend time with God.  Yesterday, there were several Psalms listed in the daily office; the Genesis reading continued the story of Joseph and his brothers; In the 1 Corinthians (chapter 7) reading, Paul gives directions to the church in Corinth regarding marriage; and in the Mark reading, Jesus casts out demons (Legion) into a herd of pigs.  There was a wide variety of readings... all illustrating the power of God, the mercy of God, and the compassion of God. 

As I began reading over the scriptures, first thing in the morning, with my cup of warm coffee in hand, my oldest son joined me at the breakfast table.  I was reading the Psalms out loud by the time he sat down with me, I noticed he was listening.  As I always do, I reached for another Bible to read the scriptures from another translation and he asked "Can we read it out of my Bible, Mom?"  I said, "Of course," and I waited for him to fetch it and come back to the table.  We read it together and then we had a great conversation.  The key words and phrases that we each picked out as drawing our attention, we realized that God was drawing our attention to the same verses, but for different reasons.  

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord." ~Psalm 27:14

I did not journal in my Bible yesterday but I remember the picture that God painted to begin my day... He gave my son and I some really special time to spend in His presence - a picture far more beautiful than anything I could have painted or drawn into the pages of my Bible.

Until a little later, friends... peace give I to you...

~Sara 

Genesis 43:1-15 and Mark 4:35-41

In Genesis, Jacob, the father of 12 sons faces a difficult decision.  As he struggles with the task set before him - trusting the fate of his youngest son as he is used as a barter tool in a test issued by his other son, Joseph - Jacob trusts God to grant mercy on his children, regardless of what the outcome may be.  Jacob may lose his beloved youngest son... a result that would break his heart. And yet, he grants his sons a blessing of mercy on the journey ahead.

In Mark, the disciples and Jesus set out in a boat to cross the lake.  As they made their way, a fierce storm arose.  The disciples were scared and they woke Jesus asking whether or not he cared if they were in danger due to the storm.  Jesus responded with a profound thought... he said "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?" and then he commanded the storm to be silent and still... and the storm settled immediately.  The disciples were astonished at what they had seen.

These two passages really spoke to me today.  Jacob proved himself to be an honest man who is willing to accept God's will, regardless of the consequences or heartache that it might bring.  Jacob shows his faith in the goodness of God in this situation.  

Over the last couple days, I've been anxious and heavy-hearted about a recent situation that has come to light... questioning myself as time passes and nothing happens.  Today's scriptures reminded me to trust that God is at work - I trust God's goodness and am reminded to trust that I followed His guidance in the hard situations of this week.  Through these passages, God spoke to my heart - Do not be afraid - do you still have no faith?

Lord, thank you for your voice - the voice that whispers to my heart in the moments that I most need to hear it.  Help me, O Lord, to trust that you are at work and that you have granted mercy to me in each and every task that lies before me.

Peace my friends,

~Sara +

A different reflection.

I received an email today from a dear friend.  It's an article in a church's newsletter, written by their new rector (priest in charge).  This letter to a congregation from their new leader is a beautifully written personal letter... full of vulnerability, memories, and risk.  This article struck a chord with me because I am a painter... I have left murals in every town I've lived in over the last fifteen or so years.  I know that, one day, if not already, my murals will be covered up but my memories of what was will always be.  As we prepare, over the next few months, to move to Baltimore, Maryland, I cannot help but feel sad that this chapter of our lives is coming to an end... my time in ministry here, with the life-long friends that I have made... the work I've seen God do, right before my eyes... the growth I've seen in my family - mentally, emotionally, physically, and (most importantly) spiritually... the growth and learning that I have undergone, in a place I never expected to meet God.  

It WAS good... it IS good... it WILL BE good... and in my memories, it will always be.   Many have come before me, laying the foundation of the things I've experienced... many have walked with me through this path of my journey.... and many will come after me building upon the additions that my presence here left in the book.

I'll be journaling today... but this article has me really thinking... and grieving.

Until later...

~Sara +

Here's a copy of the letter, reprinted with permission, changing any identifying details, in an effort to respect the privacy and vulnerability of the parish and the priest.  

Dear Family of God,

This week, I am reminded of an old memory. It is one of me, a baby on my back, standing at a wall for long hours, painting. Early in my adult life, for a portion of it anyway, I worked as a freelance muralist.

I drove around in my Chevy Nova, which itself was a bucket of memories banged about all four sides, carrying a playpen in the backseat and a load of paints inside a trunk held closed by a bungie cord looped to a crumpled bumper. But, oh, what came out of that trunk: Gerber jars full of acrylic latex that translated into dancing bears and roller-skating rabbits, which in turn translated into dollars for diapers and more Gerber jars.

I painted all over town, children's murals mostly, first in the suburbs and then for upwardly mobile urban families, finally even a couple of the city's "first families." Sometimes, those murals took on dimension, as I also sewed plushies that could be plucked by small hands from their "scenes" and hugged. I painted things that I knew I would want to remember, after doors closed behind the artist for the last time. So, I was careful to take pictures, baby still on my back.

Those residential jobs eventuated in some commercial ones. Child- and family-related businesses provided bigger walls, longer after-hours in lonely stores and shops, a baby now curled in some silent corner. One business, the last business, was my opus. A kind of Disney-angelo of the Safari, I painted for weeks on a 3000 sq. ft. mural that wrapped 3 long walls. The scene incorporated swinging apes in palms, giraffes stretching their long necks over great hedges of blooms, and elephants squirting waters below cascading falls. The product was something to remember.

The business opened, families with children poured in to see the jungle, but the payment to the artist was not forthcoming. It never was to come, and the young mother with a baby on her back and the sad Chevy Nova never had the power to pursue it. Some months later, I drove by the business to look in through the plate glass and find that it had been sold, my opus painted over in a solid Pepto-pink. The previous owner, I learned, had moved to another state, where my studies were reportedly given to another muralist to recreate. I never had the stomach to investigate, and I never had the stomach to paint another mural.

What I had left were my photos. These were put in a massive book of sticky pages once such a convenient way to pin down memories. It was my portfolio, my only concrete evidence of an era that would not be repeated. It represented sacrifices, untold physical labor, hours on my feet with my arms above my head, days driving around in a car that had given up on blowing anything close to cold air. It represented rooms that I would never again enter, environments I had created, inside which I could imagine children and families living, learning, laughing-- one day to be painted over with something like Pepto-pink. That book represented payments collected for diapers and formula, and the largest payment that never would be.

Then, one day, a thief came and took even that book.

What is left is this story, and the ghosts of dancing bears and skating rabbits. These things, and the fact that it was, it all was-- and it was good: the children, now surely beyond painting nurseries for their own children; the parents now grands, satisfied that they did something magical for their once-little ones, laughing; the families who once went into that business to enter a jungle, who now enter virtual jungles in HD. It happened. Paint happens, and then it disappears under the layers of the passing years.

As I tell this story, I feel much like I pulled a decayed plushie from one of those walls, so that I can hug it again. And, tears surprise me.

This past Saturday, the vestry met in retreat. Part of that retreat involved a walk about the church campus, to open a massive book with memories stuck to every page, to realize that there are some rooms that have become ghosts of what they once were, and to be surprised by tears. The buildings and rooms are the portfolio of the parish, the concrete evidence of eras that cannot be repeated. They represent sacrifices, untold physical labor, hours on many feet, many generous arms raised above the heads of the dedicated. They represent rooms into which the People of God could enter, environments they created for living, learning, laughing-- painted over again and again, each layer disappearing under the passing years.

The story is something that happened, no less valued and valuable because a time has passed. What is left is this story, and the fact that it was, it all was-- and it was good: the children, now beyond this nursery; the parents now grands, satisfied that they did something faithful for their once-little ones, laughing; the families who once entered their own experience of church, who now invite new families to enter an experience of church they can call their own.

Your Vestry members were there. They helped fill that massive book, sticky pages covered with the images of a story you created together. Last Saturday in retreat, they decided to keep painting the parish's living history. It will be an opus. New years are coming, new eras, a new story that will happen, and it will be good-- because something valued and valuable happened.

After my own eras, I realize, to live is to paint. It is time again to stand at a wall, and undertake a mural.

In the Name of the Artist of Life, 

- Mtr. G.

Mark 4:11-12 and 21-34

The scripture passage that I will be journaling on today will be Mark 4:11-12and Mark 4:21-34.  The daily office only lists Mark Chapter 4, verses 21 through 34; however, I think it is important to understand why Jesus spoke in parables, so I added verses 11 and 12 to my study for today.   

I will be hosting a Bible journaling class from 11:30-1:00 today. I hope to journal in my Bible during this class and upload the results of my study prior to 10:00 tonight. 

Update with reflection and journal entry: 
A mustard seed is the smallest seed - Christians are a small group - we began small with Jesus' ministry.  As we lean on God for guidance and understanding, His kingdom of believers grows and will continue to grow until it is the tallest plant in the garden.  We can't always see God at work but as the seed sprouts, so do things that God has been nourishing and cultivating.

Lord, help me trust that the seeds I have scattered in your name will sprout as you shower them with love and shine light upon them with time.  Help me to rest, knowing that the harvest of my efforts will come... in its due season.

Happy study!
         ~Sara +

John 15:1,6-16

In my reflection tonight, I followed the S.O.A.P. method to guide my study.  You can read more about this method here.  

S. (Scripture): John 15:1,6-16
For today's Bible journaling, I sought today's Daily Office readings (Psalm 15, Acts 1:15-26, Philippians 3:13-21, John 15:1,6-16).  For a more in-depth explanation of how I choose what scripture to journal on, read this post. You can find and read today's scripture here.  

O. (Observation):
Key words were "abide" and "remain"
Key phrases were "my words abide in you" and "I call you friend"

A. (Application):
As I read through the scriptures several times, I began to see images in my mind.  This passage of scripture brought to mind several images and it was difficult to choose just one... so I incorporated many of them.  
I taught my weekly class tonight and we discussed many of the key words, phrases, and visualizations/images that caught different people's attention.  My Bible journal entry reflects many of the things we talked about and was inspired by a collaboration of the participants' ideas.  
Today, I faced a very difficult situation... a circumstance that I felt led to deliver a message... It was not received as it was intended and the person felt attacked.  It broke my heart that this is how the situation played out and my heart is heavy, knowing that the pain they are experiencing is due, in part, to the message I delivered.  For months, I have prayed for this person and about situations I have observed or endured. Last night and this morning, prior to speaking with them, I remained in prayer... I read scripture... I sought God and I felt burdened by the task that was ahead of me.  I feel I did the right thing and tonight's scriptures confirmed that for me.  I did abide in God... in His word... in His Spirit.  I did seek His guidance and Godly council and I did hear His voice.  I did lay this burden at the foot of the Cross and it IS in God's hands.  Tonight, despite the happenings of the day, I am at peace and I have had an unexplainable peace throughout the past 48 hours.  I know that this is a result of trusting God.  I know that He will uphold me in my own weakness.  I have been physically and emotionally exhausted but I have been revived spiritually through abiding in Him.

P. (Prayer):
Help me abide - remain - live in you, O Lord... so that your words remain top-of mind.  Guide my actions... guide my thoughts... guide my words.  Thank you, Lord, for your presence and your peace. Amen.

Peace give I to you; not as the world gives, give I to you. Peace give I to you.
Until tomorrow,
~Sara

Psalm 61

Psalm 61 New Living Translation (NLT)

For the choir director: A psalm of David, to be accompanied by stringed instruments.

1 O God, listen to my cry!
    Hear my prayer!
2 From the ends of the earth,
    I cry to you for help
    when my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towering rock of safety,
3     for you are my safe refuge,
    a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.
4 Let me live forever in your sanctuary,
    safe beneath the shelter of your wings! Interlude

5 For you have heard my vows, O God.
    You have given me an inheritance reserved for those who fear your name.
6 Add many years to the life of the king!
    May his years span the generations!
7 May he reign under God’s protection forever.
    May your unfailing love and faithfulness watch over him.
8 Then I will sing praises to your name forever
    as I fulfill my vows each day.

Today, my heart has been overwhelmed.  When I turned to the Psalms (as I often do when I need a pick-me-up), I found peace in the scriptures.  I literally said some of the words of this psalm earlier today, prior to reading the passage.  In reading it tonight, I found.... confirmation and validation in the words written on the page.  It felt like God was saying to me, "I hear you and I'm with you."  So many of the words in this Psalm really spoke to my heart... 

I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed... I literally said these words today.  I asked God for His hand to lift the burden I felt.  I even thought... "this burden is so heavy; I can't imagine carrying the burden of the sins of the world."

Let me live in your sanctuary... Give me your peace, God.  Help me leave my burdens at the foot of the cross.  Protect my heart so that I do not grow weary. 

For you have heard my vows, O God... God knows my heart.  He knows that I'm seeking Him in this situation... and I have the faith to understand that He will give me sanctuary under the shelter of his outspread wings... like a mother hen protecting her young.

I am exhausted.... and I am trusting God to revive my soul so that I do not grow tired and weary.  Uphold me in my weakness, O Lord.

Peace give I to you; not as the world gives, give I to you. Peace give I to you.

Until tomorrow,

~Sara

John 17 - I'm blown away.

John 17 is Jesus' High Priestly Prayer.  I first happened upon this passage of scripture about 4-5 months ago when I was sitting in on a "seeker forum" for newcomers to our church.  (As the newcomer minister at Good Shepherd, I attend these classes with newcomers to get to know them better and to get a better idea of what they are looking for in coming to church.)  Anyway... I was sitting in the class one day and we were discussing some of the foundational beliefs that the Christianity is built on and we came across the topic of the trinity... God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit... the three are one in the same, hence, the "Trinity."  Fr. Geoff directed us to John 17 and asked me to read aloud to the class.  As I read aloud, I had an epiphany.  Not only did Jesus go to the Father in prayer on behalf of those who had come before Him... he also prayed for those who were on earth with Him... He finished this beautiful prayer by praying for those who would come and hear about Him through stories... He prayed for you and for me.  

This. Is. Sobering.

This. Is. Powerful.

This... Is... Humbling.

Think about it... Jesus prayed for me.  Say that out loud.  

The Lord of Lords... the King of Kings... Emanuel... the Messiah... 

GOD prayed for LITTLE OL' INSIGNIFICANT ME.

I don't know if this needs any more words, so I'm just gonna leave that right there. I'm interested in your thoughts and responses. 
Peace and humility, my friends. 

In Awe,

~Sara

Genesis 40 continued... the Baker's dream